Untamed Book Summary, A Book By Glennon Doyle
Untamed is a memoir by Glennon Doyle about living a true and “wilder” life. Here we provide a brief summary of the book.
Synopsis
Glennon Doyle, a memoirist, embarks on a mission to “free” herself and become a truer version of herself in Untamed. It begins with her being “caged” in by the world’s demands that tell people how to be and act, and then proceeds in a series of short pieces to describe her journey to becoming “free.”
About the author
Glennon Doyle has three New York Times bestseller books: Carry On, Warrior, Love Warrior, and Untamed. Doyle is also an activist and the founder of the Momastery online community. She is also the president of Together Rising. This non-profit has raised over $4 million helping mothers and children in need.
You can easily download the audio version of Untamed from Amazon.
Key Points
Here are some key insights into the book in brief:
Part One – Caged
This section of the memoir discusses Glennon Doyle’s realization that she was imprisoned. Glennon was married with three children at the time. She later fell in love with her now-wife, Abby.
This section of the book contains several examples of how society “confines” her. Glennon’s bulimia was exacerbated by this confined sensation (an eating disorder characterized by binge eating followed by purging).
Her bulimia served as an unhealthy distraction. She would feed her hunger as a method of regaining control of her life, but then she would be angry because she had eaten too much. A succession of events in her life contributed to her reaching this point.
Blow Jobs
After seeing a relationship therapist, Doyle developed a perception of how males adhere to more liberal norms than women.
Doyle and her husband began attending this therapist after her husband confessed to cheating on her. Doyle revealed to the therapist around halfway through these sessions that she had fallen in love with a lady named Abby.
The therapist doubted the genuineness of her husband’s love and advised her to start giving him more blow jobs. This rejection of Doyle’s “happiness”, as well as the recommendation that she does what she is supposed to do,’ was another illustration of confinement for her, according to the author.
Directions
When Doyle looked at the things in her children’s bathrooms, she saw that boys and girls are promoted differently. The men’s bath products were verbose and direct. These items were teaching youngsters and men what to do. In comparison, soft descriptors were abundant in women’s items. These things told women who they should be. Women, in essence, were the only ones who had to modify who they were.
Gatherings
Doyle expands on the suggestions by describing an incident when marketing has an influence on youngsters. Doyle inquires whether her adolescent children are hungry. Without even thinking about it, the lads say yes. Doyle’s girls, on the other hand, looked at each other for a moment before ultimately saying, “We’re fine, thank you.” This is an example of guys being themselves and girls need to consider what they are meant to be.
Rules
Doyle discovers the boundaries of doing what you’re meant to do after attending a hot yoga session with her buddy Ashley. She became unwell as a result of the heat. Instead of leaving the class, she stayed because she believed it was her duty. She vomited as a result of the heat. She struggled because she performed what was expected of her rather than what made her happy.
Dragons
This portion of the book discusses how women are frequently coerced into heterosexual marriages that they do not desire(according to the author).
Doyle begins this segment by mentioning her buddy Megan. Megan is an alcoholic in recovery, although she was not an alcoholic prior to meeting her husband. She had only married her spouse out of fear of disappointing everyone else.
Megan drank to distract herself from her marital dissatisfaction. Doyle likened it to a snow globe with a dragon inside. We’re all trying not to let the snow accumulate to the point where we have to face what’s truly within. What was actually within Doyle was a desire to be with a woman.
Part Two – Keys
Doyle reveals pivotal incidents that let her realize(perceive) she was imprisoned. Also, what she needed to do to change herself and her life.
Feel it all
Feel it all – This happened six days into Doyle’s recovery. She had been attending alcoholic recovery sessions. During her sixth recovery meeting, she told the group that she thought she was doing everything wrong since she wasn’t happy.
Following that, a woman approached Doyle and emphasized that she was not doing anything illegal. Doyle proposes that we all allow ourselves to experience both the good and the unpleasant. Doyle explains that existence as a person is about feeling everything, not just being joyful.
Be still and know
Be still and know – Over the years, Doyle has discovered that ‘should’ and ‘right’ are the chains that keep people captive. When she went online for guidance, such as when her spouse cheated on her, all she got was what she should do.
One of Doyle’s friends once handed her a card that read, ‘Be still and know.’ Doyle then taught herself breathing exercises to help her relax. This serenity enabled her to have a greater awareness of herself. She learned to trust herself instead of doing what society considers to be the “correct” thing to do.
Dare to dream
Dare to dream – Doyle thinks that we should constantly pay attention to what our bodies are telling us. Doyle, for example, became pregnant at the age of 26. All evidence pointed to it being a horrible idea, but she felt it was the best decision for her. Doyle felt the same way when she met her now-wife, Abby. As a result, Doyle advises women to let go of the myths about what life should be like. Instead, let your imagination guide you. Make a list of your life goals so that you may build your fantasy into a reality.
Build and burn
Build and burn – Doyle had to burn her previous ideas of what she should be doing. Letting go of her false ideas was essential for her transformation. For her, this included letting go of her idea surrounding the ideal of a traditional family structure. Plus, the idea is that selflessness is the pinnacle of womanhood. Doyle explains that she will continue to let ideas burn as she grows and develops, and she encourages readers to do the same
Part Three – Free
Aches
Aches are the pains we experience that fade and then recur when something dreadful occurs. Doyle felt this anguish when her bulimia was at its height and she was frequently arrested for drunken blunders. Doyle would find these moments difficult, but she would just accept that she can deal with difficult situations. Doyle feels this anguish again ten years later when her grandma Alice dies.
She then goes to see her sister, who has recently given birth to a baby named Alice. Doyle is reminded by this birth that everything in life will pass. She encourages readers to recognize that aches are a normal part of life, but they will pass.
Ghosts
Doyle was constantly tormented by the ghost of the idealized version of herself in her twenties. She just accepted that she was broken after that, in her forties. None of these tactics, however, were healthy. She made the decision to cease striving for perfection and to stop referring to herself as damaged.
Goals
Doyle’s prior ambition was to strive for excellence. However, always attempting to be a decent person was stressful. She was attempting to be a good wife, mother, and Christian all at the same time. She recognized that pursuing virtue was causing her to be unhappy. She recalls hearing the phrase by John Steinbeck, “And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you may be good.” Doyle was opposed to both of these concepts. Instead, she feels that “And now that we don’t have to be good, we can be free” is a better slogan to live by.
Erika
Doyle mentions her friend Erika, who aspired to be an artist. Erika, on the other hand, opted not to pursue this path. She was persuaded that she was acting selfishly since she needed money to feed her family. Doyle views this as one another example of women being raised in a culture that teaches them to discard and distrust themselves. Doyle argues that this is taught to females from an early age in order to control them. As a result, they don’t trust their bodies, views, or voices. Doyle believes that women should stop fearing for and begin to trust themselves.
Eyes
This part describes how Doyle looked herself in the eyes and recognized she could no longer use her children as an excuse to not be bold. She goes on to say that parents should stop educating their children to be martyrs. Doyle eventually has the courage to quit using her children as an excuse and divorce her husband. Despite the difficulties of the first few months, Doyle’s husband allowed the children to develop a loving bond with Abby.
Desires
Doyle learned early on in her teenage years how to make herself desirable to men. However, she never learned how to understand her desires. Only when she first saw Abby after leaving her husband did she understand who and what she desired.
Selah
The Hebrew term Selah suggests that the reader should take a little break from reading. This time should be spent in peaceful reflection. Doyle uses this term to describe her perception of her familial dynamic. Tish, one of Doyle’s kids, is frequently anxious and scowling. Chase, Doyle’s first child, on the other hand, is cheerful and easygoing. Doyle had to convince herself to quit trying to make Tish happy. Tish’s character slows the family down and allows them to observe things they would not have noticed otherwise. Tish is, in effect, her family’s Selah.
Touch Trees
Doyle discovered touch trees while watching a survivalist TV show. Touch trees are home bases that may be used as a marker to depart and return to by someone who is lost in the woods. Doyle claims she was lost for the majority of her life since she was continuously hunting for external touch trees. Instead, she and everyone else should think of themselves as a touch tree.
Generational Parenting
Doyle argues that each generation receives a new memo about how to nurture their children. Previously, you could take your child home and see them develop into the person you want them to be. Things have, however, grown more difficult. Parents are increasingly being instructed on what they should and should not do.
Mothers, in particular, are frequently instructed that they should not subject their children to any adversity. This, however, is a flawed strategy. This method merely makes youngsters feel overparented while exhausting their parents. Overparenting can only make you unhappy and your children less prepared to deal with challenging situations in the future.
Embrace Boredom
Chase, Doyle’s son, loved to create maps and compose poems when he was little. He was, however, given a cell phone when he was thirteen years old. Chase ceased being creative after purchasing this phone.
With a mobile phone, it is far too simple for youngsters to escape boredom. As a result, they seldom have time to delve within and discover themselves. Children might be contemplative when they are bored.
This point’s message is not that you should confiscate a child’s mobile phone, but that you probably know what is best for your child. You must thus be willing to go against the grain. Doyle suggested that Chase get rid of his mobile phone, and he agreed, becoming more happier as a result.
Coming Out
Doyle describes how difficult it may be to deal with the anxieties of other family members. Doyle found peace in imagining herself on her own island, free of negative messages. When her mother came to visit, she brought her concerns and worries with her. Doyle had to learn to trust herself rather than seek affirmation from her mother as a result of this. As a result, she had to inform her mother that she couldn’t be with her until she was ready to let go of her fear.
Similarly, one of Doyle’s acquaintances stated that they wanted to love her but battled with her sexual orientation. Doyle advised her friend to quit believing what others have taught her and start believing what she knows.
Grief
Anger might indicate that a line has been passed and that action is required. Doyle saw her inability to let go of her husband’s rage as a sign that she needed to divorce him. Each feeling of anger should be assessed to see whether a legitimate boundary has been crossed or whether you need to adjust your boundary. Doyle saw her husband’s adultery as a justified boundary breach.
Similarly, grieving might teach us something about what we should believe in. If you are moved to tears while seeing a particular tragedy, you should take action. You may devote yourself to this cause. Grief is an essential emotion because it may alter us and allow us to emerge again.
On Depression and Anxiety
Depression and anxiety, according to Doyle, are body snatchers. She suggests using the medicine if it works for you. She also highly advises keeping notes while you are feeling low in order to better convey your past sentiments to your doctor. Finally, Doyle suggests getting to know your buttons. She distinguishes between easy buttons, which are horrible shortcuts, and reset buttons, which are true repairs.
Excerpts
The activist, speaker, and bestselling author of Love Warrior and Carry On, Warrior examines the pleasure and serenity we encounter when we stop struggling to fulfill the expectations of the world and start trusting the voice deep within ourselves in her most honest and poignant book yet.
Each woman has a yearning voice inside her. They endeavor to be the best partners, daughters, moms, colleagues, and friends they can be.
Also read: 8 tips to cultivate an attitude of gratitude in life
Women hope that all of their efforts will make them feel alive but are instead left exhausted, stranded, overwhelmed, and underwhelmed.
We look back on our lives and think to ourselves, “Wasn’t it intended to be more beautiful?” We swiftly dismiss the question, urging ourselves to be appreciative and concealing our dissatisfaction—even from ourselves.
Glennon Doyle hid her dissatisfaction for a long time. Then, when speaking at a conference, she caught her breath and fell in love with a woman across the room. There She Is, and three words flooded her head.
Glennon believed these statements came from on high at first. She quickly recognized, however, that they had come from within. She had buried her own voice behind decades of numbing appetites, “cultural indoctrination”, and “institutional loyalties”. This was the voice of the girl she was before the world informed her who she was supposed to be.
Glennon made the decision to forsake herself rather than the world’s expectations of her. She stopped being excellent in order to be free. She stopped pleasing and began to live.
Untamed is both a personal memoir and a rousing wake-up call, soulful and raucous, strong and compassionate. It’s the tale of how one mother learned that a responsible mother is one who shows her children how to completely live, not one who slowly dies for them.
It’s the narrative of navigating divorce, building a new blended family, and realizing that a family’s brokenness or completeness is determined by each member’s capacity to bring her whole self to the table, not by the structure.
It’s also the narrative of how we may learn to trust ourselves enough to set boundaries, make peace with our bodies, acknowledge our rage and loss, and release our deepest, wildest impulses so that we can finally look in the mirror and say, “There She Is.”
Untamed intends to teach “courageousness”. According to Glennon, the bolder we are, the more fortunate we get. (This is a quote from the publisher).
Untamed Book Review
Untamed is, at its core, about learning to care less about what others think and what society tells you to be.
Doyle talks about how she deconstructs the concepts that the world imposes on you and accepts the agony and loss that comes with doing so in order to become a “wilder” and more liberated version of herself. Doyle progresses from attempting to be a flawless person to adopting the identity of “broken and lovely” until eventually accepting herself.
A lot of this book is about figuring out how to analyze and identify what you want and then having the confidence in yourself to go for it. She also discusses this perspective and how it relates to her parenting ideals. Doyle also discusses a variety of societal issues, including the child-separation policy and racial prejudices. She also discusses her melancholy and anxiety.
Untamed is Doyle’s third book. Her first book was about giving up her food and alcohol habits in exchange for marriage and children. Her second concern was discovering her husband Craig’s adultery and determining how to repair her marriage. Doyle has since terminated that marriage and is now remarried to a lady named Abby, according to this book.
In my humble opinion, this book advocates poor answers to legitimate concerns. “Not pleased with scenario X?” is the fundamental solution. Leave now. Set yourself free. Don’t conform to what you believe society expects of you.”
The main difficulty is that her views here are simply repackaged versions of widely held cultural beliefs. This book promotes bondage to another set of cultural standards rather than independence. I’m not suggesting she should have stayed in her marriage or not. It doesn’t sound good. However, her prescription for a happy existence is ultimately lacking in substance. It’s egocentric, superficial, and consumeristic.
We would not advise Hitler or Stalin to listen to their “inner voice.” They may have been listening to their inner voice. Inner voices are frequently incorrect, greedy, unreasonable, and influenced by outside forces. Reason and ethics must be used to check inner voices, or else everything goes. This isn’t liberty.
What do you think of this book by the looks of it after reading the summary? Please share your comments – are you in agreement with the author?